the day we buried Dee, we went back home the home was filled with loving family.. friends.. all one in the same. the home was full of light and warmth and LOVE. the love found in awe of Nature... we were all in the moment of being the sunset together. My energy was low and all i knew was i was following myself to the bedroom and just wanted to curl up and rest. then the thought "you shouldn't go rest in the middle of this gathering, all these people, for a funeral." i was able to walk right past that bossy little thought and give myself permission to just do what i needed, to rest, deeply. i say this because it has been one of the tiny gestures, in the last 6 weeks, of allowing myself to be ok to take care of me, one tiny gesture in learning "i'm not broken or separate from anything", i'm always connected, i no longer need to "feel" (or think rather) that i am alone. that my actions in taking care of the LOVE in me allows me not to be married to me needing to be a certain way so that people will remain happy with me, like me, or love me. there is a fear that resides and tells us that our lives need to be a certain way for us to be safe, happy, and loved and so often we taylor our choices around making the people we love happy with us so we don't have to feel unloved, unliked, unhappy and alone. yet, in truth no one makes us feel anything.. our experience is generated from within us not without. we clip our wings, our freedom and happiness not actually fulfilled because we are afraid of being free and "alone". the idea that we are alone is this lie and the truth. we are always connected to LOVE no matter if someone is 1000 miles away or right next to us. the LOVE that is shared is always real for every one in every moment.
all i know is that i am only scratching the surface to a new practice of redirection and it is yielding a freedom in my heart, body, and mind. LOVE with an open hand and an open heart. there is nothing to forgive, only to be willing to sit and listen, follow the moment. i do not believe we can shove things aside in our selves or bury them or push them down and experience the happiness we long for behind all that fear. i do believe it's a more simple process than what most of our egos are telling us... it's as dark and scary as we make it. we can move into and through our unhappiness to a place of real freedom and that while it takes a conscious choice and it is painful beyond belief at times.. it's worth it to fly.. i'm just now jumping out of the nest ;)
discipleship part 2 of 3
"Anther false belief: If all your desires are fulfilled you will be happy. Not true. In fact it is these very desires and attachments that make you tense, frustrated, nervous, insecure and fearful. Make a list of all your attachments and desires and to each of them say these words: "Deep down in my heart I know that even after I have got you I will not get happiness." And ponder on the truth of those words. The fulfillment of a desire can, at the most, bring flashes of pleasure and excitement. Don't mistake that for happiness.
What then is happiness? Very few people know and no one can tell you, because happiness cannot be described. Can you describe light to people who have been sitting in darkness all their lives? Can you describe reality to someone in a dream? Understand your darkness and it will all vanish; then you will know what light is. Understand your nightmare for what it is and it will stop; then you will wake up to reality. Understand your false beliefs and they will drop; then you will know the taste of happiness.
If people want happiness so badly, why don't they attempt to understand their false beliefs? First, because it never occurs to them to see them as false or even as beliefs. They see them as facts and reality, so deeply have they been programmed. Second, because they are scared to lose the only world they know: the world of desires, attachments, fears, social pressures, tensions, ambitions, worries, guilt, with flashes of the pleasure and relief and excitement which these things bring. Think of someone who is afraid to let go of a nightmare because, after all, that is the only world he knows. There you have a picture of yourself and other people.
If you wish to attain to lasting happiness you must be ready to hate father, mother, even your own life and to take leave of all your possessions. How? Not by renouncing them or giving them up because what you give up violently you are forever bound to. But rather by seeing them for the nightmare they are; and then, whether you keep them or not, they will have lost their grip over you, their power to hurt you, and you will be out of your dream at last, out of your darkness, your fear, your unhappiness." ~ the way to love
all i know is that i am only scratching the surface to a new practice of redirection and it is yielding a freedom in my heart, body, and mind. LOVE with an open hand and an open heart. there is nothing to forgive, only to be willing to sit and listen, follow the moment. i do not believe we can shove things aside in our selves or bury them or push them down and experience the happiness we long for behind all that fear. i do believe it's a more simple process than what most of our egos are telling us... it's as dark and scary as we make it. we can move into and through our unhappiness to a place of real freedom and that while it takes a conscious choice and it is painful beyond belief at times.. it's worth it to fly.. i'm just now jumping out of the nest ;)
discipleship part 2 of 3
"Anther false belief: If all your desires are fulfilled you will be happy. Not true. In fact it is these very desires and attachments that make you tense, frustrated, nervous, insecure and fearful. Make a list of all your attachments and desires and to each of them say these words: "Deep down in my heart I know that even after I have got you I will not get happiness." And ponder on the truth of those words. The fulfillment of a desire can, at the most, bring flashes of pleasure and excitement. Don't mistake that for happiness.
What then is happiness? Very few people know and no one can tell you, because happiness cannot be described. Can you describe light to people who have been sitting in darkness all their lives? Can you describe reality to someone in a dream? Understand your darkness and it will all vanish; then you will know what light is. Understand your nightmare for what it is and it will stop; then you will wake up to reality. Understand your false beliefs and they will drop; then you will know the taste of happiness.
If people want happiness so badly, why don't they attempt to understand their false beliefs? First, because it never occurs to them to see them as false or even as beliefs. They see them as facts and reality, so deeply have they been programmed. Second, because they are scared to lose the only world they know: the world of desires, attachments, fears, social pressures, tensions, ambitions, worries, guilt, with flashes of the pleasure and relief and excitement which these things bring. Think of someone who is afraid to let go of a nightmare because, after all, that is the only world he knows. There you have a picture of yourself and other people.
If you wish to attain to lasting happiness you must be ready to hate father, mother, even your own life and to take leave of all your possessions. How? Not by renouncing them or giving them up because what you give up violently you are forever bound to. But rather by seeing them for the nightmare they are; and then, whether you keep them or not, they will have lost their grip over you, their power to hurt you, and you will be out of your dream at last, out of your darkness, your fear, your unhappiness." ~ the way to love
No comments:
Post a Comment