The Upside of Broken

   Sometimes an event so profound happens that it tears you from your reality, taking with it every flimsy branch you were incapable of dancing upon safely, even though you kept trying... and when a life event breaks you in this way it will deliver you, if willing, to the bedrock foundation of substance. It will break away all the pieces of the house that were falling apart... seeming hopeless, cold, vulnerable to all the elements until you realize the only thing you ever really had was this foundation you hadn't used to build anything strong or stable upon in the first place. Initially feeling the "loss" of all these people, places and situations that filled your time and life only to sit in the emptiness long enough to discover all of it for what it was or is, fleeting, feel good distractions, good time friends and nothing more than a touchstone to move from.
     After a little more time passes one can clearly see who is in your corner, thick and thin, you can see who is invested in you and your life, heart and soul. The noisy intruders are easy to spot with their flash and fun but no real hand, ear or shoulder to hold, listen or lay your head on.. giving you the strength to look to those who are there. It changes you drastically and you start looking for the strong materials you need to build a life that will support you, not blow away when the storms come. Digging and reaching harder into oneself to reflect back this support, love and safety that is everything in a fleeting world.
     These days I find myself in a two bedroom, rental house with broken almost everything hahaha often occupied by 5 of us, 2 kitties, 1 car, not enough money to pay the bills, little free time, exhaustion as a new way of being, one car and SO MUCH LOVE, prayers for opportunity to answer our knocks and gratitude for all i have lived through to bring me to this moment in time. A new found respect for the true friends and family we have, deep appreciation for the strong branches remaining and the chance for new beginnings. LOVE is never lost only covered at times in the distortion of fear, the great reducer. For today.. I'm going to go sweep and mop the floors even though in less than a week they will look as though a mop has never crossed them...  and hopefully..  among the art supplies and musical equipment in that second bedroom make room for different dreams.. the kind fulfilled by a bunk bed.