....... even if it's painful!!
i walked a path leading me unconsciously to kneel down and fall.. burning in the fire. something in me desperately searching for that which i could not find... i found it in what was my mind and heart breaking... searing pain!! i felt like i was dying, i was, i still am... i was graced with the fact that at some point the flames will die down and only hot coals will remain. i find most of the way the world (humans) "works" or operates as offensive. i do not understand, yet completely empathize with most of it if i am willing to "see". because we believe that our thoughts are who we are and that belief dictates the reality we see. yet, it seems so simple... we all die, so why do we cling to anything, yet i clung hard for every last moment of "happiness" and "love" i could get like a junky needs a fix.
today the reality i live in looks nothing like it did 2 years ago.. not even 5 months ago, from behind my eyes. the external world hasn't changed much in this time, it's the reality that has been revealed in not following the fear generated by my mind. i still get pissed that others get to live in a reality masked by seemingly innocent intentions when the reality is they too are in desperate search of someone, or something to fill the internal void. (because most humans aren't making choices because they view them as harmful, the opposite, humans in large believe their intentions are sound) these days i write about it, talk about it... then simply look for the willingness to let it go.
you see no-one or anything outside of me can give me the lasting LOVE i seek... it's an inside job as some say. if you are willing to look, to really see.. you will know that you too are in constant search of this peace that comes with TRUE LOVE and in being open to believe... by simply identifying everything that defines you as the "me", then cling on to it with desperation, insecurity and need with a death grip as it falls through your hands like sand... fall to your knees in pain and maybe then we can all find the intense suffering of the ego dying is exactly what will set us free.
The Blind See
It is said that love is blind. But is it? Actually nothing on earth is as clear sighted as love. The thing that is blind is not love but attachment. An attachment is a state of clinging that comes from the false belief that something or someone is necessary for your happiness. Do you have any attachments--people or things that you falsely believe you could not be happy without? Make a list of them right now before we go on to study how exactly they blind you.
Think of a politician who has convinced himself he will not be happy unless he gets political power. His quest for power coarsens his sensitivity to the rest of life. He barely has time for his family and friends. Suddenly all human beings are perceived and reacted to in terms of the support or the threat that they are to his ambition. And those who can neither threaten nor support he does not even notice. If in addition to his craving for power he has an attachment to other things like sex or money, the poor man has become so selective in his perceptions that he could almost be said to be blind. Everyone sees this except the man himself. This is the condition that leads to the rejection of the Messiah, the rejection of truth and beauty and goodness, because one has come to be blind to perceive them.
Now think of yourself listening to an orchestra in which the sound of the drum is so loud that nothing else can be heard. To enjoy the symphony you must be responsive to every instrument in the orchestra. To be in the state called love you must be sensitive to the uniqueness and beauty of every single thing and person around you. You can hardly be said to love what you do not even notice; and if you notice only a few beings to the exclusion of others, that is not love at all, for love excludes no one at all; it embraces the whole of life; it listens to the symphony as a whole, not to just one or the other of the musical instruments.
Stop for a while now to see how your attachments drain life's symphony no less than the politician's attachment to power and the businessman's attachment to money have hardened them to the melody of life. Or look at the matter in another way: There is an enormous amount of information that is continuously flowing in from the world through the senses, the tissues of the organs in your body. Only a small part of this information reaches your conscious mind. It is like the infinite amount of feedback that is sent to the President of a nation: Only a tiny fraction finally makes its way to him. Somebody does the screening and the processing at the President's office. Who decides what will finally make its way to your conscious mind from all the material that is pouring in from the world? Three decisive filters: first your attachments, second your beliefs and third your fears.
Your attachments: you will inevitably look for what fosters or threatens them and turn a blind eye to the rest. You won't be interested in the rest anymore than the avaricious businessman is interested in anything that does not involve the making of money. Your beliefs: Just take a look at a fanatic who only notices what confirms his/ her belief and blocks out whatever threatens it and you will understand what your beliefs are doing to you. And then your fears: If you knew you were to be executed in a week's time it would wonderfully concentrate your mind to the exclusion of everything else. That is what fears do; they irresistibly rivet your attention on some things to the exclusion of others. You falsely think that your fears protect you, your beliefs have made you what you are and your attachments make your life exciting and secure. You fail to see that they are really a screen between you and life's symphony.
It is quite impossible, of course, to be fully conscious of every note in life's symphony. But if your spirit becomes unclogged and your senses open you will begin to perceive things as they really are and to interact with reality and you will be entranced by the harmonies of the universe. Then you will understand what God is, for you will at last know what love is.
Look at it this way: You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. If you wish to see them as they are you must attend to your attachments and the fears that your attachments generate. Because when you look at life it is these attachments and fears that will decide what you will notice and what you will block out. Whatever you notice then commands your attention. And since your looking has been selective you have an illusory version of the things and people around you. The more you live with this distorted version the more you become convinced that it is the only true picture of the world because your attachments and fears continue to process incoming data in a way that will reinforce your picture. This is what gives origin to your beliefs: fixed, unchanging ways of looking at a reality which is not fixed and unchanging at all but in movement and change. So it is no longer the real world that you interact with and love but a world created by your head. It is only when you drop your beliefs, your fears and attachments that breed them that you will be freed from the insensitivity that made you so deaf and blind to yourself and to the world. ~ The Way To Love
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