"of the thousands, maybe even millions, of risks we can take in a lifetime the greatest is the risk of growing up." ~road less traveled p.134
This morning my readings largely consisted of love lessons... and how love is NOT a feeling but actions. The lesson is that feeling love is the byproduct. How real enlightenment comes through a lifetime practice of real love. I am able to admit that I have not been very loving in my life. I have experienced a lot of the byproduct of selfishness which felt good and I wanted to call it love.
The pills I am swallowing right now are BIG and if it wasn't for the trick of washing them down with some warm water, I'd be screwed. The warm water in this case is my Higher Powers protection and care. I am experiencing a relief filled with hope. As I accept some truths about myself and how I have continued to show up for my life, I see there is a way out. I can in fact be a person who defines her life by principles rather than how I feel in a moment or by my self- centered behaviors.
All I can say for now is that it is extremely uncomfortable to NOT do what I want when I want it and attempt to behave in a manner that honors my principles. I am deciding to outgrown the rewards of self-centered, selfish, pleasure seeking, codependent living... they don't feel half as good as they used to. I have received so many gifts in my recovery and the truth of my experience is that I have only had to put forth very little willingness and effort to enjoy a great return. The rubber has met the road and I can no longer ignore that the life I want to live, the one I am capable of and have the potential to create is calling me. It requires that I do things I have little experience with and become willing to be uncomfortable in my growing pains. Thank goodness I know the process works, that I have a process and I am willing to do the work.
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